I’ve been sharing a lot of posts on Detachment lately in my Instagram page (@revady_n) and I’m so happy that many resonated with it. I’d love to share a story that some of you guys might be able to relate to. Last year a follower approached me on insta DM, let’s call this person ‘Z’. The issue Z had was work-related. Z loved her work and said she works hard and is great at what she does. However, she was bothered almost everyday at the fact that this particular male colleague was being favourited more at work when he does not do much and despite making lots of big mistakes he doesn’t get sounded by their female boss. But when she makes the slightest mistake, she gets sounded. Keeping all this in mind, she couldn’t concentrate at work thinking how unfair this is. She confided in her friends earlier and they told her this is ‘gender bias’ that a female boss will always side a male employee and vice versa. Her message was a long one but I understand that she needed to vent. Here I am only sharing pertinent points to convey my message and what I advised her form a 3rd party point of view.
One of the first things I asked was, are you putting in a 100% in your job at hand?
Because the moment you you focus on something else that does not help in any way towards your job at hand, you are not giving a 100%. If you are really great at what you do and only if you’re giving your all, people, especially your superiors will notice your excellence. However, the moment you get distracted, probably 30-50% (or more) of your energy, time and effort is going into things that don’t matter and things that affect your peace of mind.
Secondly, there is no such thing as gender bias. In fact I always emphasise from time to time on my page that truth is an illusion. Even if at all that is true in this case, you don’t need to believe that. Because if you choose to believe that, ask yourself how does that make you feel? You’ll end up feeling angry. And anger causes you to be lesser and lesser of your authentic self. And when when you’re not your authentic self, you can’t determine if people are biased towards the angry you or the authentic you. Also, when you assume negative things, you are drawing exactly that towards you and people will end up being that way even if they originally did not intend to because that is the way you choose to perceive things. Which is why it is very important to have your own perspective on things. Don’t be intimidated or swayed by what people say. Be confident in yourself and your potential that no one could bring themselves to be biased towards you in any way. But first, assume the best regardless of what the truth is. The moment you let the term ‘gender bias’ sink in your head, you make yourself a ‘victim’ and you start a whole negative cycle for yourself which is not going to help you in any way.
Thirdly, sometimes you may think that confiding in friends is a good thing because most will support your views and accompany you to blame external circumstances to show its ‘not your fault’. We almost instantaneously feel good when that happens am I right? Because we feel they are supporting us. Truth is, we need to ask ourselves, are these making me feel worse or better? Do you want comfort or do you want a solution? But then again, these are not bad friends. Most are unaware of what they are giving out. All they want to do at that point of time is to make you feel better. So it all boils down to you in knowing who to confide in and when to confide. Because you want someone who does not indirectly make things worse for you, not someone who instigates you further or even not someone who makes decisions FOR YOU, rather you want to confide in someone who gives you CLARITY and a BETTER perspective on things so you can make your best choice on how to deal with things.
You know there’s this saying, “If you can’t change your circumstances, change your perspectives on them.”
Despite all that was going on, I know it all boiled down to ONE single thing she needed to do. And that is to REFOCUS her ‘lens’. Most of us use ‘wide angle or panorama lens’ to see everything that’s going on around us, mostly unnecessary, when we should be focusing on ourselves and what’s in front of us.
After I advised her I was so happy that she understood clearly and just by reading her reply that all she was going to do from then onwards was to focus on what she’s good at, I was confident that a good change was imminent for her. I wished her all the best and left it at that.
Exactly 2 days later, I received a message from her. It said, Thank you so much for your help. I did exactly what you told me to do and today my boss came up to me and said “The reason why I am giving you more work is because you are a very capable person. I will definitely fight for your increment and promotion.”
I was beyond speechless! Speechless in the best way possible! And that too, in 2 days!! There are no such thing as coincidences, only manifestations of your thoughts, words and actions. And this story of hers strongly depicts that. I was so happy for her and recently when I read The Power by Rhonda Byrne, what she mentioned in the book made me reflect back on this story- When you do something with so much of love, when all you focus on is giving love (meaning to room for negativity and all you focus on is positive thoughts and outcomes) and have no expectations, you create a positive cycle and more good things will come your way. The stronger your positive feelings are, the faster the positive outcome-Some happens almost instantaneously, some take a while depending on the determination and consistency of the individual. Now tell me, where’s the gender bias or favouritism here? It was all an illusion. If you have thoughts as such meddling with your mind, pause and ask yourself, is that really the truth or a fraction of your imagination?
Had she continued to choose to have negative perspective of things, that would have created a negative vicious cycle which would have turned the whole thing into the opposite direction. It would’ve blocked all her blessings that the Universe was waiting to offer her. Every person and situation is a TEST so you can CHOOSE. Things do not happen to you. They just happen and you are the audience, NOT the participant. So watch and observe first, analyse and choose NEGATIVE or POSITIVE reaction. The kind of reaction you choose should be one that gives you peace of mind and helps you grow. The Universe already contains everything you want and life has to offer, only if you choose to be in a POSITIVE CYCLE. It will not just fall on your lap by chance.
Lastly, detachment. Detachment is something absolutely important in our daily lives, so important that we sometimes forget. The fact the she was able to detach herself from her surroundings, external circumstances and negative thoughts gave her a better chance of focusing on herself. And when you focus on yourself without having any expectations of when your work will be noticed or acknowledged, that’s when blessings will come your way. When you do things with expectations or with the intention of anxiously waiting to be noticed or acknowledged, you are not doing it genuinely thus you block what you desire from reaching you.
Hope you guys enjoyed this post! Sending all good vibes and love your way! Peace be with all❤️🌈🌸
Pic credit: @secrets2success